Mother's Day to my Mom

Wow sometimes I can really be silly or not think at all. Got a new computer and it took me until this morning to realize I can get to my blog through my account... When I came on here I had a comment waiting to be published... it made me go back to last year on Mother's day since I had no idea what I had wrote and of course being my father's daughter the tears are still with me as I write this blog... by the way Annie I am so glad you finally found my blog though I have not been writing all that much it in recently... welcome...



Each year for the last several years celebrated something here I also did it with as much energy as I could because I always believed that it could be the last year for it with mom and dad... little did I know last year when I did the blog it was actually the last year that we would be doing Mother's Day that it would be the last one that she would have remembered for a little bit.



Mother's Day is coming up this weekend and I am not even sure if I am going to take the time to do anything for it as mom doesn't even remember who I am or any of us are her children. Each time she is told that we are she looks with great surprise and then says... no she is not... she can't be... which is understandable because she also believes that Dad is her father at this time... Though I am thinking at the moment there is no use to doing anything it is still Mother's Day and even though she doesn't have a clue most of the time that I am her daughter she is still my mother.... Surprise Surprise Mom



So today this is for my mother who is here but not in so many ways....



For many years I didn't really know my mother... she was someone who cooked, cleaned, took care of all 7 of us...rarely did I see her smile or laugh... I knew that she loved us but very few times did she show it to us in the ways that I guess I needed to be shown... then May 26, 1997 she called to tell me that cancer entered our lives .... her hip had to be replaced. While she was in the hospital something that I had been waiting for, for many years happened .... I was 41 years old and I will never forget that evening for as long as I live... we were visiting her and as we were leaving she took her two hands placed them on each side of my face looked me straight in the eyes and announced in a very low voice that she loved me... it took me back because it was the first time that I could remember her ever saying these words to me... and I had been waiting for them for a long long time.... as she went through her treatment I watched on the side lines always being told that I had a family to look after and that would be the best way to help out... sorry guys but I really wanted to help my family or not this was my mom... but me being me stood on the side lines and watched as everyone else did what they had to do and I looked after my family...


That same year in November we lost Harold to an accident... she had just came back the day before from her last treatment.... the next morning I was at the house and once again those hands went to my face, her eyes looking into mine and she was once again willing to give herself up instead of Harold... Why him I have lived a good life? Was what she said to me... That was a moment of my heart being torn not sure if I would have wanted her out of my life but then I didn't want Harold gone either...


Then we found out that she had a tumor on her kidney and she choose not to do anything about it... they gave her 2 years... well people that was almost 5 years ago and she is still here... but through these years she has been faced with something worst then anything she had faced before (well in my eyes it is) the lost of her past and present.. not knowing who is who.. why things are happening... she is becoming more and more child like as each day goes by... she doesn't understand why she can't make herself understood to all that is in her life....

Most of my life I believed I didn't have a very strong relationship with my mother... but when I came back from Ontario and Roger needed to go back up North and asked me to stay here with mom and dad and I agreed to it. I didn't know that I was just keeping and eye out for them but it was the beginning of getting to know a woman that was in my life all my life for the first time in my life... I learned that she was very loving, caring and could be funny as heck... she had her moment like all of us but in the long run the woman I knew as my mother all my life was a heck of a lady as well... When things get rough and I come home at the end of the day... and I come to the computer to work on something useless my mind goes back to yesterday year and the times I have spent with mom cooking for Christmas or the summer visitors, our trips to the dollar store together or for a drive alone... our time spent waiting for appointments, our talks, hold her hand when she got nervous about what was going on with an appointment or just sitting out in the porch watching the birds and going ons in the neighbourhood... those are things that keep me going through even these days when I go up and sit with her to do her nails, or put cream on her feet because they are sore... these are things and times that will get me through the rougher days that I know that will be ahead... so on this note I will say A very Happy Mother's Day Mom... you are and will always be the best... Love Jo

Added Note
Though it was a busy day today with Mothers I had a mother moment as well that no gift will ever replace... Robin was up this weekend.. and we got to spend almost 3 hours together totally alone except for the dogs... and we sat at the kitchen table talked, laughed, and of course me being me had a few tears... it has been a long time since we had that much time for each other and I think no child could ever give a mother anything better then what he gave me tonight... his time and love... Thanks Hon.. Love you ...

I hope that all who are mothers that read this though it is late I wish the greatest Happy Mother's Day... other children are our greatest rewards in life even though at times we may think they can be the greats pains... but that is their jobs... and most of them do it very well...

Have a wonderful evening All I am going to bed Finally...